What does it mean when you say, "I love you"?

What does it mean when you say, "I love you"? Seriously, write the question down and try to come up with at least 10 things.

It wasn't easy, was it? What were your answers? How clear were you? What was the most honest thing you said?

This can be a difficult question to answer. It means different things each time you say it. The possibilities are endless; however, the one thing that remains is your intentions in saying it. Were you sincere? Why did you say it? I don't say it unless I mean it. I won't say it if I'm not feeling it. I'm very open with how I feel about a person and I would seriously be shocked if anyone ever questioned how I feel about them, because I've always been open and upfront with my feelings. What's more important though, is showing and proving that you love someone. I can say it until I'm blue in the face, but it means very little to the other person if I'm not also showing that love I'm declaring. It's quite obvious we have to back up our words with actions, right? You would think so.

Unfortunately, those three words are misconstrued, misused, and misrepresented. Actions speak louder than words in this case, which makes it difficult to believe anyone when they say those three little words. These three magic words, "I love you", can cause a lot of confusion and pain in romance, too. "My first serious boyfriend left me after I told him, 'I love you," said Mary.

"My last boyfriend said 'I love you' only when he wanted sex," said Jesse.

"When my girlfriend says 'I love you,' I feel pressure to say it back to her," said Ryan.

"Each time my ex-husband was physically violent to me, he'd apologize and say 'I love you' in the sweetest way," said Crystal.

"The only girl I've ever said 'I love you' to betrayed me with my best friend," said Jared.

So let's return to this inquiry of love and its meaning. When you look at your responses, what stands out? What did you discover? I discovered that "I love you" is full of agendas. For example, "I love you" means "I need you" or "I want you" or "I own you" or "Agree with me" or "Now you say you love me." No wonder these three little words can cause so much trouble.

Instead of simply answering what love means to you, answer it again with this in mind, "When I say 'I love you,' what I really mean is..." Be clear on what you really mean and it will help you to be true to your feelings. The people you love will feel even more loved by you because your intention to love is conscious and clear. This is important, because the real meaning of "I love you" is not found in the words themselves, but in the intention behind them.

What are the positive things, "I love you" can mean to someone? Here's a few examples:

"I see you"

When people say "I love you" and it is meant truly, they are not relating to you as just a body, they see the real you. Love sees not just with the eyes, but with the heart, too, and it sees your soul. Love sees your eternal loveliness. Love sees the person you are trying to be. Love sees how lovable you really are. That's why hearing the words "I love you" can give you the courage to be seen. Hence, love helps us to bring each other more fully into existence.

"I accept you"

In love, we see each other because we do not judge each other. "I love you" can mean "I see you" and also "I accept you." To accept another person is a fully sacred act and never a half-hearted love. It means, "I offer you love, and nothing that is not love." Seen in this light, "I love you" is a vow of acceptance between two friends who are declaring to each other, "I will not judge you" and "I will not label you" and "I will not condemn you." Each time you say "I love you," you are renewing this vow of acceptance and making a commitment to being the presence of love in someone's life.

"I thank you"

Love is a grateful heart. When you say "I love you" to someone, you are saying, "I am grateful for you" and "I am grateful to you." This gratitude is recognition for all this person gives to you by his or her presence in your life. You are saying, "Thank you for loving me" and "Thank you for seeing me" and "Thank you for accepting me" and, as the old lyric goes, "Thank you for letting me be myself." Gratitude recognizes that none of us can discover who we really are by ourselves. It is by our individual relatedness with each other that we experience our ability to love.

"I am here for you"

Each time you say "I love you," you are really saying "I am here for you." "Being here" means being fully present in the relationship physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Saying "I love you" means "I am committed to you" and "I am committed to us." You are telling that person you are in this relationship. You are not waiting for the relationship to sparkle or to improve before you commit to it. You are not playing it safe. You are not wearing a mask. You are not just trying to get something. You are really here, and this relationship really matters to you.

An inquiry about love really can transform our relationship to love and to each other. One final thought: Every time you feel moved to say "I love you," it is because you recognize that "love is here." When you tell your friend, or your lover, "I love you," you are acknowledging that we are always held in love even when we can't see it. In every relationship, there will be challenges and conflicts and occasions when we can't feel the love. In these moments, one heartfelt "I love you" can restore us to love's awareness, which sees that if I am present and you are present, then love must be present, too.