Things are looking up for me.

I have been blessed the past 5 months to have a family that took me in when I had nowhere else to go. However, I am very independent and need to be able to be independent. I have never liked answering to anyone. If I want to go somewhere on a whim, I will. I don't need anybody to know where I am at all times. If I need somebody, I'll call. I've been like that since I can remember. My mom expressed her love for me, right before I left. She apologized for not saying it sooner. Little does she realize that I already knew. I know better than to expect her to show her love. She really doesn't know how. She never has been able to express herself emotionally toward my brothers and I. Sometimes she breaks down and can, but she's mostly too concerned about other things. She doesn't like to talk about certain things, so I won't talk about those things with her if I can help it. I love her, but to keep the peace, I'll do just that: keep the peace by avoiding touchy subjects. Anywho, this post is rather random-like. I'm just wanting to express the random things I've been feeling lately. I need to write it down because I think the stress of keeping it all bottled up inside has taken a toll on me. I've had migraine headaches so bad that they have kept me from sleeping throughout the night. I wake up in a panic, not knowing where I am. It's scary when you feel like your heart is going to jump out of your chest because of how fast it's beating. I am definitely going to need to do some stress-relief exercises.

So, I'm in the new apartment that I have been wanting to move in since signing the lease way back in May. That day has finally arrived and I am loving it. Of course, it's only been a little less than a month, but I can feel things getting better one step at a time. It's slowly starting to look like mine. :)

I am talking to someone right now that I can be myself with. I don't have to worry about being used by this person, because she has her priorities straight and a career she's successful in as well as the potential for growth. She's an amazing listener and friend. So far, friendship is all there is. Developing a friendship first is important to me with any potential partner because it builds a foundation for a relationship that could possibly be forever. I don't really like to talk about forever with someone though. It's best to keep things simple and to just be there for one another day by day. I don't want to go a day without talking to her. I don't want to go a day without hearing her voice. It's nice to have someone in my life that makes me smile, even when they're not around. It's the small things that can make life worth living. I wasn't looking for anybody, but somehow, here she is. When we talk, I find I can tell her anything, like we've known each other for years. I look forward to the day we finally meet face to face. Until then, one step at a time. :)