If you're straight and think being gay is a choice, let me ask you something?
When did you realize you were straight? Did you ever make the concrete decision to be straight? Do you wake up every day and have to make the decision to step out the door and only be attracted to the opposite sex? Silly, right?
With the ongoing fight that is fought every minute of every day by an individual that is gay, why would we choose to be ridiculed, spit on, bullied? Why would I choose to be something that causes my family to question who I am? My heart has taken a beating by finally accepting who I am. However, it is the best non-choice I have made. This choice was not to be gay, rather I have chosen to be me.
I am gay (a lesbian). I have not been open about it for very long. I have only had one girlfriend, but that lasted three years. In that three years, I've been out with my parents and co-workers, but was pretty much sheltered in that relationship from the outside gay communities that are out there. More or less, my gf didn't live a very open life when it came to her sexuality. She rarely showed any affection to me in public. I didn't have any friends that were gay, and I had not attended any of the pride events. Honestly, it still felt like I was in the closet on so many different levels. It wasn't until I became single that I was really out of the closet. I am finally free to go to LGBT events. I am able to be friends with others just like me. Most importantly, I can be me.
I have found that in the LGBT community, I have finally felt what it is like to be loved without judgement. They are going through the same things I'm going through, so they know ridicule. They know what it's like for their parents to give them the looks of disappointment and disapproval. They understand that the love their parents feel for them is conditional. It truly is conditional. Whether they care to admit it or not, they are picking and choosing what to love and not love about you. By doing so, they are putting a limit to their love. They may not see it that way, but I can't help but feel it to be true. So, is there really such a thing as unconditional love? I don't know. I'm not sure I believe there is.
I have found that in the LGBT community, I have finally felt what it is like to be loved without judgement. They are going through the same things I'm going through, so they know ridicule. They know what it's like for their parents to give them the looks of disappointment and disapproval. They understand that the love their parents feel for them is conditional. It truly is conditional. Whether they care to admit it or not, they are picking and choosing what to love and not love about you. By doing so, they are putting a limit to their love. They may not see it that way, but I can't help but feel it to be true. So, is there really such a thing as unconditional love? I don't know. I'm not sure I believe there is.
9 comments:
I believe that yes, there IS such a thing as unconditional love! Unfortunately, so very few people are able and even willing to give this type of love. I believe it is easier to find unconditional love within the gay community, because we have had so many different conditions put upon us just to be loved, why would we subject others to that?
I completely agree that in the LGBT community unconditional love does exist, because of all that we have to deal with. All we know is that we love the way we want to be loved: without judgment. It's a beautiful thing that is rare.
(This blog will only allow me to post so much, therefore, my entire comment will be in multiple posts. Please bear with me!)
In your blog, you have questioned whether unconditional love exists. I believe that to answer this question, one must think about the question in both the logical and emotional sense. The word “unconditional” is defined as, “not limited to conditions.” The word “love” is defined as, “a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.” Therefore, unconditional love means a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person that is not limited to conditions. Sounds simple, huh? Love a person regardless of that person’s race, religion, sexual orientation, etc. I believe this is where unconditional love becomes complicated.
What if you have a son or daughter, whom you have raised to the best of your ability? This child visits regularly, honestly cares about your life, and does his or her best to take care of you. This child would be easy to give unconditional love to, right? To play devil’s advocate, let’s see how quickly I can make you question that unconditional love. First, I’ll give you an easy statement. Let’s say this same son or daughter tells you that he or she is gay. What? That goes against your religious views? Logically, you should condemn this child due to his or her lifestyle. But you said your love was unconditional! Does this child love you any less due to the fact that you practice a religion that condemns his or her lifestyle? How has this child suddenly transformed into someone you could say you loved unconditionally into someone you now put conditions on your love for? Conditions put on love are just prejudices we have been taught. We are taught by religion that homosexuality is bad, so therefore even condemn our own flesh and blood by the standards we have been taught.
. Let’s move on to a harder question. Let us say this child that you so adored brutally murders another family member in cold blood, and has no remorse whatsoever for committing the murder. Logically, you should hate a murderer. Could you still love this child? What’s that you say? It depends on why the child felt the need to commit murder? It depends on what family member your child murdered? Guess what? You have just put a condition on your love! You will only love the child if YOU feel the child was justified in committing the murder. Do you feel you have the right to judge what is going on in the mind of your child? Have you never done anything that was wrong, that you regret? Oh, but murder is different? I will concede that committing a brutal murder is a heinous crime. The discussion here is not about a child committing murder, however. The discussion is about unconditional love. Unconditional love means still loving this child, and never wavering in that love, even if that child does something that goes against everything you believe in and hold dear! In this situation, I believe unconditional love is the mother appearing in the courtroom to give emotional support to her son or daughter, even though she knows she will be criticized and ostracized for it! Why are we, as humans, so quick to judge others? If you were in the same situation, would you not wish for someone who loves you unconditionally to be there for you? I believe that as a parent, you may not condone your child’s actions, but your love for that child should be unconditional, no matter what!
I am not saying you should stifle your morals, views, and beliefs to show your child unconditional love. You are not being true to yourself if you do this, however, a child should not have to suffer for your views or opinions! There is a difference between stating what you believe in and beating someone over the head with it! For example, let us say you don’t like eating spaghetti, but it is served for dinner every night. You would become frustrated, angry, and probably start to look elsewhere for nutritional sustenance, correct? This is the same as constantly shoving your views and opinions down the throat of someone who does not believe as you do. Would you do this to someone you love unconditionally?
Now that we have discussed the logical side of unconditional love, let’s discuss the emotional side. If you have been happily and unconditionally in love with someone for twenty years, and I asked you to stop loving that person, could you do it? Well, yes, I AM crazy, but that has nothing to do with the question! So you would not stop loving that person just because I asked you to? You cannot shut off your emotions like that? Guess what? I am going to play devil’s advocate again! Let’s say that person you have loved for twenty years is your spouse. You have just found out that this spouse has been cheating on you for the past two years with your best friend. Hmmm….how quickly did your love for this person (AND your love of your best friend!) turn into anger, and possibly a little hatred? Unconditional love just became really complicated, didn’t it? Emotions play a large part in our lives. I am not saying you would be wrong in your anger, only that you would not be exhibiting unconditional love. I believe that unconditional love is loving a person no matter what that person has done or how that person has hurt you, and always wanting nothing more than that person to be happy! I believe unconditional love could be displayed in the above scenario if the spouse who had been cheated on discussed the issue with the spouse who had cheated, and tried to determine WHY the other spouse had cheated. If the cheated on spouse found that the cheating spouse was unhappy and truly believed he or she could be happier with the best friend, then the cheated on spouse walks away from the twenty year relationship, even though it would hurt incredibly, just because he or she loves his or her spouse and best friend unconditionally and wishes nothing more than for them both to be happy! Is this too much to ask of you? Then you cannot honestly say that you love unconditionally.
As I stated earlier, conditions put on love are things we have been taught, but what about the above scenario? You believe the departure from unconditional love is based off of emotion and not something that has been taught? Are emotions taught? I believe that some are and some are not. Love, I believe is not taught. Therefore, unconditional love is possible. A toddler may not understand the emotions, but feels the strong emotional connection to his or her parents. On the other hand, I believe anger and hatred are taught. Is a baby born of parents that are members of the Ku Klux Klan born believing he or she should hate black people? Does a baby hate his mother just because she pays the bills by being a prostitute? We are born knowing what unconditional love is. Somewhere along the road to adulthood, these ideas are instilled into us. For everything that is liked and admired in life, there are people that hate and despise it. To be able to give someone unconditional love, one must be able to move past, or rise above, the things that he or she was taught. I believe this is easier for some than others, ESPECIALY those that have felt prejudice themselves!I am sorry if it seems I have rambled on, but I have very strong opinions about this topic. Call me an idealist, but I believe that there are people out there that truly DO love people unconditionally. Unfortunately, these people are one in a million, so if you have met one, feel truly blessed!
Wow.. I have no comment. You have truly said it all. :) Thanks for that, Stacie. You're the best. :)
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