I've been thinking a lot lately about true friends and not so true friends. I've always been the type that cares about my friends by seeing if they're doing ok, giving them comfort, and just spending time with them (to most who know me know I don't have a lot of time to spend). However, when I need comfort, just a phone call, or simple hi, how are you? I don't get it. I really don't require much. All I want is to be thought of. The worst feeling is not being lonely, but being forgotten by someone you would never forget. I'm not a selfish person, but it feels horrible to be somebody's go to when everybody else is taken. I want to be the first person you think of when you need somebody. I've proven that I'm loyal haven't I? If not, tell me so I can fix it.
I find it interesting how everyone is finally noticing me, only after I point out that I'm being ignored. I'm tired of the egos, the bullshit, and selfishness. I'm tired of my so-called friends ignoring or just plain forgetting me. Do you really care? Do you? I seriously doubt it and it will take a lot of convincing for me to believe you. I don't trust anyone right now with my heart. I don't even trust myself. This roller coaster of emotions right now has me seeing red. I can't see why I'm not important enough to want to hang out with, talk to, or just say hi to. Apparently I don't fit into anybody's busy schedule and I should just forget trying. I'm no longer going to be the one reaching out. If you want me, come and get me. I'm done. I can't take the torment anymore. The torment of needing and wanting somebody that doesn't want me. Show me or go away and never return. I don't need anyone if they're just going to be a constant disappointment. In order to feel wanted, you need to want in return. It's a two way street. All this one-sided bullshit is just that: BULLSHIT!
Communication is key to relationships. One may talk more than the other, but if one doesn't talk at all, there's nothing to go off of. There's nobody on the other line to laugh with, to cry with, or to grow in friendship with. Nothing but a conversation with myself. I can make myself laugh, but no man is an island. That won't last long for me to truly be content. God put people on this earth to be together and to compliment each other. We need not forget that. Too many have though and are so blinded by self-satisfaction they forget they can be satisfied by the person staring back at them. They don't need for things. I have a lot to give as just a friend. I really do. I'm confident in knowing I'm the best friend a person can have. I'm loyal and protective. I'm kind and honest. I am selfless and caring. I'm not saying all of this to brag or boast. I'm saying it to point out my qualities. I'm rare. You can ask the friends I've had for ten plus years. They've been through ups and downs with me. They still know that no matter what, I'll always care about them and always think of them.
I refuse, from this day forward to be with you and be forgotten. After all, I used to be lonely. I'm more than that now and choose to be alone rather than fighting for your friendship.(I'm posting it today, but this was originally written Monday. I'm less pissy about it today.)
No comments:
Post a Comment