What may seem small can make a huge impact.

I believe others come into our lives to inspire us. They inspire us to dream bigger, smile more, and live as if we're walking amongst angels. Some believe we do, some don't. Either way, you can't deny the beauty that is within all of us that is not necessarily of this world. I am grateful to have what may seem small to most, make a large impact on my day. Some may text me to say they're thinking of me, and others who are having a horrible day need me to put a smile back on their beautiful face. Either way, those small things can truly help make that day a lot brighter than it started out as. It's things like that, that make life worth far more than that coffee in the morning, or that thought of dread to get through the day. Things that inspire us truly change our view on influences that just might steer us into despair. I am here to also inspire others just as much, if not more so than they inspire me. If everybody woke up each day longing to help make someone else's day better, how amazing would the world be? I'm not breathing unless I'm interacting with someone I can influence in a positive way. There are things that happen that may dim our light through life for a small moment. When we least expect it, that dimness can fade away when a total stranger smiles at you, or a friend messages you, out of the blue, for whatever reason to say they missed you. Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

And School Begins Again. . .

Yesterday was the first day of school. That would explain why I couldn't sleep much the night before. I swear my subconscious has been kicking in overtime lately. It's going to be a tough semester already, in my drawing class alone. It's a 500 level drawing class. I am excited about it though because I really love to draw and I've been wanting to improve my conceptual skills more so than just my basic knowledge of drawing. I've never been good at just drawing from my head. I've always had to take others' ideas and manipulate them to my idea. Mind you, that's still a skill because some can't draw at all. However, I want to be able to just sit down anywhere and draw with nothing but my imagination. Who knows, maybe I'll never get there, but at least I'll try to figure out if I have the ability to.

Today, I just got back from my Beginning Sculpture class. This should be an interesting class as well. It helps I've had this professor before, so I know that I am going to be able to think outside the box because he will seriously force it on you. Honestly, that's what we should do. His goal is to create individual artists out of us, so I embrace anything he offers in order for me to do just that. This class will definitely coincide with my drawing class as far as honing in on my conceptual skills. I'll be working with both 3D and 2D aspects of things, so it will broaden my horizons so-to-speak. It should be entertaining, to say the least.

I will eventually be able to figure out what I want to do with my artistic abilities. I have so many different medias I like to dabble with; however, it's important to be specific when it comes to conveying who you are as an artist. Are you a sculpture? Are you a painter? Are you a graphic designer? I can't answer any of that right now. I want to, but I can't. What I can answer is, "Yes, I am an artist who's trying to find myself."

And it begins. . . the journey in finding myself.

Friends Come and Go (or hide)

My thoughts on being a true friend are quite traditional. The "golden rule" as most would call it, is the basic fundamentals of a true friendship. Without the use of "thees" and "thous", it's simply: Treat others the way you want to be treated. Simple right?

Apparently, it's not as simple as it should be. I recently lost a friend who was kind of lost. She didn't really know what she wanted and had recently lost her job, so her whole world was upside-down. I was the only one close enough to be able to help. Her relationship was quite complicated, to say the least, so she naturally leaned on me. We became best friends. We told each other everything, did everything together, and could be ourselves together. It was incredible and at the perfect time, too. I recently went through a break-up and was still going through the ups and downs a breakup causes emotionally.

Of course, when you least expect it, things get more complicated. One night, we become closer and start opening up on a deeper level. We didn't realize how deep the other could be. After that day, was much confusion. So much confusion, that this friend of mine decides she has to tell me that she has developed feelings for me.

That moment when you realize your happy world comes to an extreme HALT! She doesn't know what to do because she has feelings for me, but PROBLEM!!! She is with someone else. At this point, I tell her I have feelings for her, but I know now that those were just feelings of friendship. My intentions were to just be the friend that I knew how to be for her. She took it further by breaking up with her fiance and kissing me. Of course, I was confused and before things got out of hand, I left to leave her alone with the dilemma she was in. After all, it was her decision to make as to whether or not she should marry this girl, date other people (me included), or just be alone. I wrote her an email to let her know that I wasn't at all ready to be in a committed relationship and that I personally felt she should be on her own and wait until she had more stability.

The next day, she let me know that her decision was to be alone and that it was important that she think about what she wanted. I agreed and was honestly relieved. I didn't want to break anybody's heart and I didn't want to lose the friendship. Well, she asks me to come over and hang out, so I did. Of course, it was awkward! It was more her making it awkward, then me making it awkward. I was over it. I just wanted to continue to be her friend. Apparently, she had other things in mind. She kisses me again and I had to stop it before it went too far, AGAIN! At this point, I knew things had taken a turn. I'm not sure why she had to tell me that the feelings she has for her fiance far surpasses the feelings she has for me. It's not like I wanted to go further than friendship. I really didn't. Who kissed who?

After that, she decided to block my email and phone number and cut me out of her life completely. She sent an email, pretty much blaming me for the reason it went too far, when she knows better. I rejected her. After all that happened, I tried to send several messages on Facebook to tell her she had hurt me, but I'm pretty sure it was pointless. And unfortunately, someone else thought those messages were for them and decided I was crazy and deleted me. Obviously, some people are way too full of it to think that EVERYTHING I post on Facebook is about them. SERIOUSLY? This world does not revolve around you? I am so much better off not having either of them in my life.

When you find yourself making friends with the wrong people, take a step back and really think about what it is that you're doing. What can you get out of this friendship? Heartache and pain? Or happiness and support? It is your choice on what you are willing to give or give up. Don't ever give up.